The Million Dollar Round Up
A
dying Roman mobster wills his “Saracen Horse,” a jewel-encrusted green jade
treasure, to any of his criminal colleagues who can take possession of it.
The Saracen Horse
The
history of this fabulous objet d’art, worth “twice a million,” is
related by Mr. Jason: given to Richard the Lionhearted after the Third Crusade
as a peace offering by Saladin, lost to Leopold of Germany, later in the
collection of Adolf Hitler, from whom it passed to a Russian general named
Khemidov who was murdered in his bed, finally coming into the hands of Signore
Cimarosa, who bequeaths it to whoever can steal it.
He
does so in the presence of his rivals, whom he describes as “unscrupulous.”
They are presented briefly as an Arab, an Englishman, a Chinaman, a German, and
an American (Mr. Jason). The skylight crashes, a gas canister fills the room, a
cat burglar slides down a rope, the horse disappears.
The
script applies astringent foreshortening in a rather satirical abstraction. An
antique dealer in New York, whose name is Cicero, has hired a professional to
filch the dingus. Cicero is double-crossed and murdered. One of New York’s
finest, a Sergeant thrice wounded in the service, takes possession of it on a
sudden impulse. It’s snatched by a petty thief, “seven or eight years old,”
masquerading as a shoeshine boy, who lives in a warehouse.
The
little towser, whose name is Tobe, has also lifted McCloud’s .45, to defend
himself against his rivals. “It’s like having an H-bomb,” he says, “if you’ve
got one you don’t have to use it.”
Cicero’s
pro is still on the trail, and so is Mr. Jason, as well as the others.
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Harry Guardino Sergeant Toomey Eric Braeden Ravic Nehemiah Persoff Perry Cicero Teri Turner Tobe Robert Middleton Elliot Jason Jay Novello Cesare Cimarosa Joseph Ruskin Balwant Dari Patrick Whyte Ronald Feathering Jan Arvan Dr. Massimo Vignola Peter Mamakos Mario Tagiagambe Teri Garr Nora Mullins David Sheehan TV Reporter |
Written by Douglas Heyes Directed by Douglas Heyes |
35309, 2.4.73
Cicero’s name is misspelled in a newspaper headline,
though it may be “intentional.”
RAVIC: Like the man says, I’ve got the horse right here.
CICERO: Why
worry? I’ve got the money.
RAVIC: Me worry,
Perry?
(Squad cars collide. Weapons are drawn.)
McCLOUD: I’m a police officer! Attached to the 23rd Precinct!
PATROLMAN:
(Recognizes him. Ironically.) McCloud.
TOBE: Don’t shoot! I’m just a kid!
SGT. BROADHURST: (Being carried on stretcher.) Hey,
doesn’t anyone here know how to treat a man with a broken leg? You force brandy
down his throat, that’s how you treat him! Isn’t anyone going to force brandy
down my throat? I want brandy! Hey, maybe the Sarge here can drink it for me.
Come on, Sarge, you can hold my hand.
McCLOUD: That makes about as much sense as a prefabricated post
hole.
McCLOUD: Boy, can you feature that? He just expects me to drop
everything and go back to New Mexico. Doesn’t he know I’ve got better things to
do in New York?
CHRIS: There ya
go.
McCLOUD:
(Pause.) Hm?
TOBE: Biggest grabber’s the biggest man.
McCLOUD: Let’s get that horse before somebody else does.
McCLOUD: Hold on to that, boys. Has a way of gallopin’ off for a
few hundred years at a time.